Flight frenzy

So with all the hullabaloo about the new TSA laws I thought I might offer my own two cents as to how airport safety could be improved. And here are 7 reasons why I think current airport security is silly.

1. If somebody really wants to hijack a plane, they aren't going to sneak their weapons in through security, they will get some insider to place box cutters or such under all seats in row 11 of whatever airline they plan to hijack.  Sound familiar? Now there may be a few exceptions by some fools who think they can make a statement or some mumbojumbo, but that's why they have professional bouncers checking IDs right?

2. Full body scans are an invasion of privacy. Let's just cut to the chase: I don't want some rando looking at my tatas. 

3. Pat downs? I don't care if you are a woman, don't touch me.  Plus, I mean, we're all infidels, so actually, don't go touching nobody.

4. Enough with the liquids already.  I would just like to take enough sunscreen to last me the week so that I don't get skin poisoning again.  Plus I am tired of having to chug my water bottle everytime I get in line...I always have to pee right when the plane begins to board.

5. For those of us who care about our health enough not to eat processed foods, animals injected with growth hormones, etc.  I would like to respectfully decline that extra dose of radiation.  Thanks though, it was a kind offer.

6. The only thing more sickening than some pimpled punk looking at my full body scan, is going to be the size of the security lines. Please arrive 9 hours before departure.

7. If President Obama doesn't have to show his birth certificate to be President of the good old US of A, then I sure as hell ain't showing my stuff to get on that plane.



So, in light of all this, I think the best solution to prevent terrorists from hijacking planes is to loan every legal adult on each flight one of these:

Who is going to try to take over a plane when everyone on it is packing?